Deep thoughs by Jack Handey

This is great :) I just have to highlight something :)

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."
He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but decided to go home instead.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

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